|50 Great Date Conversation Starters
1. What was your best job?
Dating Tips Shaping a Womans Behavior
I'd like to introduce a concept called SHAPING. Shaping includes a number of tools that are used to set a STRONG precedent of behavior in a woman. Quick Question >>> Have you ever been in a situation with a woman, and she talked about how she LOVED when her boyfriend did something very specific? Do you remember feeling motivation to perhaps DO THE SAME EXACT THING? -or- Have you ever been with a woman, and she asked you if you were reliable, honest or had a good relationship with your family? Do you remember feeling motivated to answer in a way to IMPRESS HER? Of course.
we've all been there. What's important however is not what the outcome was in those situations, but only to be AWARE of the fact that you were EMOTIONALLY COMPELLED to behave in a certain way. Whether she knew it or not (most likely, she DIDN'T) she was SHAPING you.
Now don't get me wrong, this isn't necessarily a bad thing. People do it to each other all the time. But most of the time, you are encouraging a woman to behave in a way that is NOT aligned with your desired outcome. And that's what we want to change STARTING RIGHT NOW. There are a number of different ways you can start to employ shaping in your interactions with women. And I've split them up into 5 different categories.
Now don't get me wrong. This is a HUGE topic, and I could literally teach an entire seminar on shaping ALONE. Right now I just want to get the seeds planted in your mind so that you can begin to grasp the higher level ideas, and start to incorporate them into your interactions. So let's look at the five different categories of shaping.
1. Screening questions. Screening questions are questions specifically designed to: A) Get a woman to answer a specific way and B) Start to behave in a manner more congruent with how she just answered you. There are many types of screening questions, and above all you should use them in the right context. For example, you wouldn't start a conversation with a woman with the question "Do you consider yourself to be independent?".
but it might come later on. Screening questions are by far the least subtle and most OVERT out of all the shaping techniques. They are easiest to employ RIGHT away, but because they cause a sharp emotional response, they may seem transparent and obvious to the woman. 2. Showing that you value certain behaviors or personality traits.
This is very similar to screening questions, except this time you are making a statement. It's a little less obvious, but it is no where near as subtle as the remaining 3 techniques. Instead of saying something like "What was the most spontaneous thing you've ever done?" (which is a screening question) You might say something like "Spontaneity is really important to me. It not only keeps things fresh and exciting, but also reminds me of our incredible freedom in life." Because you are JUSTIFYING your statement with a truism (it's hard to argue that spontaneity keeps things fresh and exciting), she cannot disagree and will be motivated to agree that spontaneity is important. And because she's committed to saying spontaneity is important, she will now behave in a way CONSISTENT with that.
3. Setting a strong precedent through storytelling. Now we're getting warmer. This technique, along with the next two, are VERY devious. They are so devious, in fact, that women use them ALL THE TIME.
It's funny actually - my sister recently sat in on a recent DiClassified Drills workshop in NYC and I was surprised to discover that she not only agreed with the effectiveness of my techniques, but also - had already used many of them NATURALLY! Of course this makes sense, seeing that many of my BEST techniques have been stolen DIRECTLY from the women I know who have the VERY BEST game. The idea behind this 3rd concept is that you will tell a story that DEMONSTRATES what standards you expect, so that she can live up to them. For example, you could say to a woman, very early in the interaction something like: "One thing that is great about my friend Sarah, is that she is extremely thoughtful. Last night I mentioned that I was thinking of going shopping for a few new shirts, and not two hours later she dropped off this month's copy of GQ magazine on her way to the gym.
Only problem now is, I have TOO MANY new ideas for a new outfit." The beauty of that is, it doesn't even have to be true! (I'm not going to make a moral decision for you here, I'm sure that you're more than capable. But for the record, these techniques have the exact same effect on a woman whether they are true or not) 4. Pointing out a desired personality trait while ignoring the undesirable. This is classic shaping, and can be used freely to amplify existing behaviors and personality traits. The idea is that - if you see a girl doing something (for example, drinking like CRAZY while out in a bar) you can comment on this in the following way.
Taking this single behavior - drinking like crazy, there are different components to it, some good, some bad. Let's say you like the free-spirited aspect of it, but you don't like the fact that she may not have a lot of self control. You could say: "Wow, you're so much fun! and so-free spirited. It's cool you do things you really want to do, and don't rely for others for direction.
You follow your OWN desires." By pointing out behaviors, you are in fact REWARDING them and AMPLIFYING that same behavior in the future. By selecting the ASPECT of her behaviors you like, and calling attention to them, you are SHAPING her future behavior.
(By the way, the above example is useful when going for a same-night-lay with a girl. You tell her she makes her own decisions and she'll be less likely to listen to her friends when they suggest that she shouldn't go home with you. Sneaky, but also KILLER in the field) 5. Reward calibration i.e.
giving a woman cues as to how to perceive you based on the nature of the way you reward her 'good' behavior. This is highly advanced, and I am far beyond the scope of this newsletter. Just understand that if you have determined what you will acknowledge as "good" behavior from a woman, it is to your benefit to REWARD her with something you want her to WORK for or CHASE AFTER. Hint: It should be either affection, physicality or sex, and NEVER material or monetary. Violating this rule is the surest way to CREATE a gold digger! (YES. Gold diggers are not born gold diggers.
They are CREATED on a case by case basis by the men in their lives. See a woman as a gold digger, and that my friend, is what she will be.) Be good, and use these techniques with care.
Vin DiCarlo is a professional pick up artist trainer, who's highly controversial website may be found at http://www.vindicarlo.com
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